This virtual space is an extension of AEAH 3770 Computer Art Applications and will be used to record class discussions and ongoing conservations relating to the course.
Basically I will be doing my project over why am I a people pleaser and how people mold you to make you how you are. I will focus on three major people in my life, my mom, probably my dad or brother, and maybe a best friend or an ex boyfriend or a teacher. I will show how that with time and experience you are changed as a person and you grow. I will use object manipulation, puppet/claymation and whiteboard. Voice over may be a cool idea but I may only stick with music. For the scene with my mother I will probably have her scold me for doing wrong but show that it is for my own good/give me direction. For another I may have one that shows me in high school being told that I'm not good enough and struggling through the struggles of being a teenager. My last one will be my relationship with God and how he give me strength and how it shapes part of who I am.
This project is instantly difficult for me because I have always had a difficult time opening up to people and relating to others. I rarely speak up for my own opinion and instantly assume that others will think they are invalid. I think this is partly due to the fact that I grew up in an environment where there was little room for free thought, or personal exploration. I was expected to believe (religiously, politically, emotionally, etc.) what my family did as 100% truth with no room for questioning. I always felt like I was trying to be put into this cookie cutter idea of a person. Honestly, this has become a huge hang up in my life and in my relationships.
For the video, I would rather not focus on the reasoning behind this personal hag up. No childhood is perfect. What matters is the now and who I am. Instead of rejecting who others want me to be, I would like to show who I am becoming in a raw manner. I have been doing a lot of journaling about this to really figure out the answer to my question of "why I can't seem to open up to others". I would like to keep the journaling theme in the video and maybe do a little collaging/drawing. I'm not entirely sure what I will do for the other technique yet. I'll see what seems right as it goes along. :)
My project is going to be about the skin disorder that I have. I’ll give you a little backstory. When I hit 15, I suddenly got this strange protuberance on my shoulder. I went to the doctor and found out that my skin was reacting to a scratch and had developed a scar that never stops growing. They are called keloids, and people who are of darker color generally have them more. Soon, more started popping up, and I went to dermatologists, who told me that there is no cure. So over the years I’ve been getting injections in order to stop these scars from growing. That is one of my biggest fears, that I will become covered in my scars. That is my basically what my question is about. Why I have this disorder and how does this affect me socially. My animation will start out with me walking in the park or in an alley, where my disorder will literally come up behind me and simply touch my shoulder. My disorder will be made out of paper lumps and a person might be in it, this will cover object manipulation. I will walk along unknowingly, and continue on with my life, all the while transforming into this monster through the use of drawing on video. The crowd of people close to me will disperse one by one and run as they see this monster take shape. I will eventually die alone, fully engulfed by the disorder but more by my inability to get to close to a person because of this.
Big Question How labels affect me? Sub-questions How have I overcome those labels? What will happen to me?
Conceptual Design Public Service Announcement and Crystal Ball effect I want to broadcast through my animation equality for everyone no matter gender, color, or preference. Instead of those public service announcements on logo with actors, I’m going give clips throughout my life where I’ve experienced hatred and discrimination. I want to show the obstacles I’ve overcame and the possible “consequences” of my future. Visual Design I’m going to represent my message through pixilation, claymation, and puppet. The animation will start with a puppet talking to an imaginary person. The puppet starts visualizing possible outcomes for the imaginary person.
My video is going to be about my brother and how I have effected his life, or how I have influenced him. As my "puppet" I am going to use my glasses, and a I am going to draw both and have them interact with each other. I'm going to have them divided like as if in two different places because I was off at college when we started to become closer as siblings. I am going to call up my bother and ask him serious questions about how I influenced him because I think I know but I want to hear it from him and get his side to make my video more meaningful for whoever watches it. I willing be using my glasses, my brothers glasses if I can get a hold of them to represent the two of us, it's one thing we have in common.
I'm a straight up loner. I'm the type of person who only speaks when spoken to. I guess it's the constant thought in my head that I'm being judged. Right now I imagine all of you reading this and laughing at me, so it's really hard to post this. I guess I just expect the worst. This has made it almost impossible to meet new people. I wasn't like this when I was younger. I was always fighting or getting into trouble, I didn't have a filter. Some days I'll think back on how dumb I was back then that I'll almost get sick. Now that I'm older, instead of not caring what people think of me I'd rather them not think of me at all (gosh, this sentence was really hard for me to type because its so cheesy and ridiculous). I dread being the center of attention. It may seem like I don't have a problem speaking in front of people, but trust me, all I do afterwards is think about what I said and imagine how dumb I probably sounded. This is a bad way to think, especially if you want to be a teacher. Is it a lack of confidence? Of course, but there is probably a ton of other reasons. Hopefully I'll find out more about myself while making this project.
There is some light in this post. I've slowly started to step out of my loner cave. I’m starting to realize that most people are too wrapped up in whatever is going on in their own lives that they don’t care what you say or do. For this story I want to show my daily routine. From waking up, going to class/work and maybe me going out or something. I'll probably write a silly song to go along with it. I want to use object manipulation, whiteboard or sketchbook and claymation.
The question I'm going to explore is how my heart condition has effected my life; specifically with the evolution of my artwork. I feel the two are interconnected, and I have already found reoccurring images within my work that seem to relate to a need to escape and use it as an outlet. My view on my situation up to this point has been one of frustration, paranoia, anxiety, and I'm choosing this for my project so that, hopefully, I will finally be able to come to terms with the hand I was dealt and appreciate what it's taught me about myself and my views on life. My project will explain a little about my condition and show the viewer firsthand how my everyday feels. I'll incorporate my artwork with whiteboard, have my puppet interacting with the images, and will use some kind of object manipulation to better express how my condition effects me. I'll also use voiceover and narrate my question and discoveries. I'll probably shoot in my apartment because I'm creating all my backgrounds.
My Animated Autoethnography will explore the relationship I have with my daughter, since we are separated by distance during the week while I am at school, and the insecurities and fears that creates in me. Mainly the fear that she will not understand and grow up to blame me for not being there while I am attempting to better myself for the future security of our family. I'm also planning to explore the things I'm trying to do now as preventative measures of my worst fear.
I'm going to use the whiteboard as backdrop to place what society says I am and what I fear her believing I am at a later age on top of each other and have it become something else-I don't know what yet. (esp. society's definition of mother and family) I'm taking pictures of the drive, so that people can understand the effects that it has on me being almost two hours away. I also want to incorporate the daily journal I have that I am going to be giving her in the future at either her graduation or wedding in snippets. And a few of the other things I do so that maybe one day she can understand how hard this decision was for me and respect me more for wanting to better myself as an example.
---------------- Ironically, as I was exploring what I wanted to do as visual imagery. My insecurities seemed to have disappeared. I know the answer now! and I haven't even made the full AA yet!
In my AA I will be revealing the answer to my question "why do I rely on medication for almost every given symptoms"
Growing up medicine was always an answer. My mom is a nurse and in a non abusive way, medicine was just always an answer to any symptom. Stomach ache, head ache, etc, and later depression, anxiety, etc. After having a fallout from a mix of depression medicine and sleep medicine, doctor prescribed, it really hit me that I didn't understand why I never tried to treat underlying problems which is my way, versus my moms way by masking things with medication. I just spent so many years relating any issue to the need of finding a medication for it.
The setting of my video will be in our 'house' depicting my mom as a nurse doll and I. I will show a series of symptoms occur where my mom just aided me with medication whether the symptom was minor or not depicting that it became a habit to rely on medication because of the amount it was shown to me as a 'fixer' and how it unintentionally became a norm to me. Then I will show how with a fall out it made me start to question why I was relying on medication and how I started to feel angry and confused as to why it became such a habit, revealing the logic behind answering this question I have for myself.
For this project, I am planning on finding out "what it is that really makes me feel valuable/happy?"
Fairly recently, I ended a five-year engagement with my fiancee, packing up, moving out, and giving back the ring all within the same morning. The problem was, I had no self-confidence, and no idea of who I really was or what really made me happy. Even since then, I feel the decisions I have made and the things I have been willing to sacrifice for others have not been in my best interests. My goal is to really examine what is is that does make me feel happy and valuable, how choosing to end my engagement helped me to start seeking that, and what it is that makes me happy on a daily basis.
My plan for the video is to set it to "Three Cheers For Five Years" by Mayday Parade. I will start it out showing the engagement and its end, wrapping that up with the returning of the ring. From there, I will show the confusion and hopelessness of trying to figure out who I am and what I need in my life. Hopefully through the project, I will figure out the answers to those questions, and then conclude the video with what I have discovered. Hopefully it will be overall touching and really express the emotions I have been trying to deal with.
My proposal for my AA goes into my troubled past. I'm taking the most significant images from my childhood that are still very hard for me to cope with with the eating disorder and depression and suicide thoughts because i was being abused. I talked to my high school teacher after i had an emotional breakdown because the anti-depressants i was taking were giving me the opposite effects of what was supposed to happen. She told me things that she went though and made me feel as if i was looking at a spartan warrior. I'm still struggling with clinical depression and GAD with other problems as well, but i am a warrior now. I feel like i am handling alot more of my problems better and reaching out to kids and helping them cope with whatever struggles they may be facing.
In my video, I will be using claymation starting out looking at the figure, me, and then seeing the abuser coming closer to me. Then going into the eyes of the figure, the anixiety build in the video and then tissue paper will block the views. then the paper comes off the camera view and then you see me change into another form of clay. you see others bulling me because i was taller and more curvier then my "friends" at the time. i then go back into the eyes of the figure and looks down and sees that the boney figure because overly bloated and so much taller and then another color of tissue paper comes down. then you see me in another form at a table with letters and a kitchen knife in front of the figure. as soon as the figure picks it up another tissue paper comes down and then over time the figure forms into the warrior in school and painting and drawing. Or it will be just living life to the fullest. still a bit sketchy at the end.
Basically I will be doing my project over why am I a people pleaser and how people mold you to make you how you are. I will focus on three major people in my life, my mom, probably my dad or brother, and maybe a best friend or an ex boyfriend or a teacher. I will show how that with time and experience you are changed as a person and you grow. I will use object manipulation, puppet/claymation and whiteboard. Voice over may be a cool idea but I may only stick with music. For the scene with my mother I will probably have her scold me for doing wrong but show that it is for my own good/give me direction. For another I may have one that shows me in high school being told that I'm not good enough and struggling through the struggles of being a teenager. My last one will be my relationship with God and how he give me strength and how it shapes part of who I am.
ReplyDeleteThis project is instantly difficult for me because I have always had a difficult time opening up to people and relating to others. I rarely speak up for my own opinion and instantly assume that others will think they are invalid. I think this is partly due to the fact that I grew up in an environment where there was little room for free thought, or personal exploration. I was expected to believe (religiously, politically, emotionally, etc.) what my family did as 100% truth with no room for questioning. I always felt like I was trying to be put into this cookie cutter idea of a person. Honestly, this has become a huge hang up in my life and in my relationships.
ReplyDeleteFor the video, I would rather not focus on the reasoning behind this personal hag up. No childhood is perfect. What matters is the now and who I am. Instead of rejecting who others want me to be, I would like to show who I am becoming in a raw manner. I have been doing a lot of journaling about this to really figure out the answer to my question of "why I can't seem to open up to others". I would like to keep the journaling theme in the video and maybe do a little collaging/drawing. I'm not entirely sure what I will do for the other technique yet. I'll see what seems right as it goes along. :)
Proposal
ReplyDeleteMy project is going to be about the skin disorder that I have. I’ll give you a little backstory. When I hit 15, I suddenly got this strange protuberance on my shoulder. I went to the doctor and found out that my skin was reacting to a scratch and had developed a scar that never stops growing. They are called keloids, and people who are of darker color generally have them more. Soon, more started popping up, and I went to dermatologists, who told me that there is no cure. So over the years I’ve been getting injections in order to stop these scars from growing. That is one of my biggest fears, that I will become covered in my scars. That is my basically what my question is about. Why I have this disorder and how does this affect me socially.
My animation will start out with me walking in the park or in an alley, where my disorder will literally come up behind me and simply touch my shoulder. My disorder will be made out of paper lumps and a person might be in it, this will cover object manipulation. I will walk along unknowingly, and continue on with my life, all the while transforming into this monster through the use of drawing on video. The crowd of people close to me will disperse one by one and run as they see this monster take shape. I will eventually die alone, fully engulfed by the disorder but more by my inability to get to close to a person because of this.
Big Question
ReplyDeleteHow labels affect me?
Sub-questions
How have I overcome those labels?
What will happen to me?
Conceptual Design
Public Service Announcement and Crystal Ball effect
I want to broadcast through my animation equality for everyone no matter gender, color, or preference. Instead of those public service announcements on logo with actors, I’m going give clips throughout my life where I’ve experienced hatred and discrimination. I want to show the obstacles I’ve overcame and the possible “consequences” of my future.
Visual Design
I’m going to represent my message through pixilation, claymation, and puppet. The animation will start with a puppet talking to an imaginary person. The puppet starts visualizing possible outcomes for the imaginary person.
My video is going to be about my brother and how I have effected his life, or how I have influenced him. As my "puppet" I am going to use my glasses, and a I am going to draw both and have them interact with each other. I'm going to have them divided like as if in two different places because I was off at college when we started to become closer as siblings. I am going to call up my bother and ask him serious questions about how I influenced him because I think I know but I want to hear it from him and get his side to make my video more meaningful for whoever watches it. I willing be using my glasses, my brothers glasses if I can get a hold of them to represent the two of us, it's one thing we have in common.
ReplyDeleteI'm a straight up loner. I'm the type of person who only speaks when spoken to. I guess it's the constant thought in my head that I'm being judged. Right now I imagine all of you reading this and laughing at me, so it's really hard to post this. I guess I just expect the worst. This has made it almost impossible to meet new people. I wasn't like this when I was younger. I was always fighting or getting into trouble, I didn't have a filter. Some days I'll think back on how dumb I was back then that I'll almost get sick. Now that I'm older, instead of not caring what people think of me I'd rather them not think of me at all (gosh, this sentence was really hard for me to type because its so cheesy and ridiculous). I dread being the center of attention. It may seem like I don't have a problem speaking in front of people, but trust me, all I do afterwards is think about what I said and imagine how dumb I probably sounded. This is a bad way to think, especially if you want to be a teacher. Is it a lack of confidence? Of course, but there is probably a ton of other reasons. Hopefully I'll find out more about myself while making this project.
ReplyDeleteThere is some light in this post. I've slowly started to step out of my loner cave. I’m starting to realize that most people are too wrapped up in whatever is going on in their own lives that they don’t care what you say or do. For this story I want to show my daily routine. From waking up, going to class/work and maybe me going out or something. I'll probably write a silly song to go along with it. I want to use object manipulation, whiteboard or sketchbook and claymation.
The question I'm going to explore is how my heart condition has effected my life; specifically with the evolution of my artwork. I feel the two are interconnected, and I have already found reoccurring images within my work that seem to relate to a need to escape and use it as an outlet. My view on my situation up to this point has been one of frustration, paranoia, anxiety, and I'm choosing this for my project so that, hopefully, I will finally be able to come to terms with the hand I was dealt and appreciate what it's taught me about myself and my views on life.
ReplyDeleteMy project will explain a little about my condition and show the viewer firsthand how my everyday feels. I'll incorporate my artwork with whiteboard, have my puppet interacting with the images, and will use some kind of object manipulation to better express how my condition effects me. I'll also use voiceover and narrate my question and discoveries. I'll probably shoot in my apartment because I'm creating all my backgrounds.
My Animated Autoethnography will explore the relationship I have with my daughter, since we are separated by distance during the week while I am at school, and the insecurities and fears that creates in me. Mainly the fear that she will not understand and grow up to blame me for not being there while I am attempting to better myself for the future security of our family. I'm also planning to explore the things I'm trying to do now as preventative measures of my worst fear.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to use the whiteboard as backdrop to place what society says I am and what I fear her believing I am at a later age on top of each other and have it become something else-I don't know what yet. (esp. society's definition of mother and family)
I'm taking pictures of the drive, so that people can understand the effects that it has on me being almost two hours away.
I also want to incorporate the daily journal I have that I am going to be giving her in the future at either her graduation or wedding in snippets. And a few of the other things I do so that maybe one day she can understand how hard this decision was for me and respect me more for wanting to better myself as an example.
----------------
Ironically, as I was exploring what I wanted to do as visual imagery. My insecurities seemed to have disappeared. I know the answer now! and I haven't even made the full AA yet!
In my AA I will be revealing the answer to my question "why do I rely on medication for almost every given symptoms"
ReplyDeleteGrowing up medicine was always an answer. My mom is a nurse and in a non abusive way, medicine was just always an answer to any symptom. Stomach ache, head ache, etc, and later depression, anxiety, etc. After having a fallout from a mix of depression medicine and sleep medicine, doctor prescribed, it really hit me that I didn't understand why I never tried to treat underlying problems which is my way, versus my moms way by masking things with medication. I just spent so many years relating any issue to the need of finding a medication for it.
The setting of my video will be in our 'house' depicting my mom as a nurse doll and I. I will show a series of symptoms occur where my mom just aided me with medication whether the symptom was minor or not depicting that it became a habit to rely on medication because of the amount it was shown to me as a 'fixer' and how it unintentionally became a norm to me. Then I will show how with a fall out it made me start to question why I was relying on medication and how I started to feel angry and confused as to why it became such a habit, revealing the logic behind answering this question I have for myself.
For this project, I am planning on finding out "what it is that really makes me feel valuable/happy?"
ReplyDeleteFairly recently, I ended a five-year engagement with my fiancee, packing up, moving out, and giving back the ring all within the same morning. The problem was, I had no self-confidence, and no idea of who I really was or what really made me happy. Even since then, I feel the decisions I have made and the things I have been willing to sacrifice for others have not been in my best interests. My goal is to really examine what is is that does make me feel happy and valuable, how choosing to end my engagement helped me to start seeking that, and what it is that makes me happy on a daily basis.
My plan for the video is to set it to "Three Cheers For Five Years" by Mayday Parade. I will start it out showing the engagement and its end, wrapping that up with the returning of the ring. From there, I will show the confusion and hopelessness of trying to figure out who I am and what I need in my life. Hopefully through the project, I will figure out the answers to those questions, and then conclude the video with what I have discovered. Hopefully it will be overall touching and really express the emotions I have been trying to deal with.
My proposal for my AA goes into my troubled past. I'm taking the most significant images from my childhood that are still very hard for me to cope with with the eating disorder and depression and suicide thoughts because i was being abused. I talked to my high school teacher after i had an emotional breakdown because the anti-depressants i was taking were giving me the opposite effects of what was supposed to happen. She told me things that she went though and made me feel as if i was looking at a spartan warrior.
ReplyDeleteI'm still struggling with clinical depression and GAD with other problems as well, but i am a warrior now. I feel like i am handling alot more of my problems better and reaching out to kids and helping them cope with whatever struggles they may be facing.
In my video, I will be using claymation starting out looking at the figure, me, and then seeing the abuser coming closer to me. Then going into the eyes of the figure, the anixiety build in the video and then tissue paper will block the views. then the paper comes off the camera view and then you see me change into another form of clay. you see others bulling me because i was taller and more curvier then my "friends" at the time. i then go back into the eyes of the figure and looks down and sees that the boney figure because overly bloated and so much taller and then another color of tissue paper comes down. then you see me in another form at a table with letters and a kitchen knife in front of the figure. as soon as the figure picks it up another tissue paper comes down and then over time the figure forms into the warrior in school and painting and drawing. Or it will be just living life to the fullest. still a bit sketchy at the end.